Summer classes for men

Thanks to Mark Griffiths for sending me this!

Summer Classes for Men at THE ADULT LEARNING CENTRE

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by Monday August 10, 2009
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM

Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays - Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll - Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is it Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?
Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between the Laundry Basket and The Floor
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Dinner Dishes - Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity - Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things - Starting With Looking In The Right Places
And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch - Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost - Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations..
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live - Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy - Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries
and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven - What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Pure Heart, Clear Head, Steady Hand

'We stay at our posts, alertly, unswervingly… in hard times, tough times, bad times….. working hard, working late…. With pure heart, clear head, steady hand.'

Paul writing to the Corinthian Church (2 Corinthians 6: 4-5, Message Version)

In the Arena

"It is not the critic who counts. Not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause. Who, at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat."

Theodore Roosevelt

Twitter 1930's style

In Case You Missed It......

The live broadcast from BBC1 of KingsGate Church is now beginning to appear on You Tube. Here are a few excerpts for those of you that missed it.......

NOW REMOVED BY BBC, BUT YOU CAN SEE THE BEST WITH CHRIS MOYLES COMMENTS HERE:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=StEDAjhuiTo

Dear Gordon (2)

Well, for a while there, I thought you were going somewhere. You dealt with the worldwide aspects of the credit crunch admirably. But why, oh why, did you go and get all political again? Your last budget (I know you’ll say it was Alistair’s but it was you really wasn’t it?!) was entirely political. You abandoned long held New Labour policies and went vote catching.

Not that you caught any. Want to talk about the European election results? Thought not.

You allowed the other parties to outflank you on the expenses scandal, despite the fact it’s the Tories that have the moats and the duck islands. You played politics in your own cabinet, never actually saying you wanted rid of someone, but just failing to support them. Even your own Chancellor- and you know how hard that job is!

I work in the pensions industry. You’ve managed to mess that up good and proper haven’t you? (Even losing your pensions minister in the process). All those well thought out, long term reforms that you and Tony pushed through, abandoned for a few cheap votes at the next election so you can be seen to be bashing the rich. It’s the whole pensions system you’ve bashed.

Looks like my first letter to you was pretty accurate after all. (Well, I know it’s a blog and you’ll never read it, let alone pay any attention to the issues even if you did read it, but you know what I mean).

Not sure I can bring myself to vote Tory, but, sorry Gordon, spare us the agony of a dying government over the next year or so. Election time please.

KingsGate and the BBC

A big thank you to BBC1 for showing our church live on Sunday (if you missed it, it's on Iplayer at the moment- called 'That's the Spirit'.)

But what is even better is the reaction of Chris Moyles today on Radio 1. This is what he said about the programme:

'I've been to gigs with less atmosphere- it was amazing.'

'It was very uplifting.'

'I want to go!'

He said on air that he was brought up a catholic but that this was something completely different. He was particularly taken with the live baptisms we did.

Thanks to Ben Griffiths for putting the link up to Chris Moyles comments. Here it is:

http://bendigital.com/blog/2009/06/01/chris-moyles-comments-on-thats-the-spirit/